On My Own Terms
by Sebhar
Summary: Emily's friends can't get enough of witty, rich Charlie Kane, but his charms don't affect her. Her heart lies elsewhere, with a young man she can never be with. Does Charlie know she loves Jed Leland? If so, why is he pursuing her?
1. On the Beach in France

"Emily, look!" Dolores breathed.

Emily opened her eyes, squinting in the sun. "What is it, Dolly?"

"The boys are coming!"

And so they were. Emily sat up hastily, shaking sand from her dark brown hair. Shielding her eyes with her hand, she scanned the beach. Ah, there they were. One of the boys spotted her and Dolly and pointed them out to his companions. The girls waved enthusiastically.

Greeting the girls, the boys removed their shirts and set their things on the girls' blanket. Emily scanned their faces, her vision spotted by the sun. She smiled at Joe, Will, Roger, Dick, and- oh. Her cheer faded to disdain. Charlie.

Oh, how her friends adored Charlie Kane. Agnes had simply worshiped him when he was at Harvard – in fact, Emily suspected Charlie was the reason Agnes had disappeared for the better part of the school year and into the summer. He'd gone out with several of the other girls, too. He was an abhorrent rascal, newly moneyed and poorly bred. Now, beside her, Dolly was all smiles and pinup poses as the other boys left Charlie behind.

"Aren't you going to swim?" Emily asked pointedly.

Dolly shot her a glare that almost instantly snapped back into her winning grin. "The ocean is so dirty this time of year. Do sit down, Charlie." She scooted to make room for him on the blanket.

Emily seethed. _Don't sit down next to me, don't you dare sit down, don't-_

He sat between them, his lean torso exposed to the sun. "Got to get a tan before we head up to the Alps."

Dolly leaned in. "The Alps?"

Charlie reclined, closing his eyes to the sun. "Will's idea. He said to invite anybody." He cracked open an eye and gave Dolly that half-smile that Emily so loathed. "Want to come?"

As Dolly squealed her acceptance, Emily had to restrain herself from being rude. She couldn't lay down next to him; it would be shockingly improper. She was just about to excuse herself and go somewhere else – _anywhere_ else – when Charlie turned to her.

"How about you, Em?"

"Emily," she said curtly.

He merely grinned at her, opening his other eye. "Alright, then. Would you feel inclined to join us in the Alps this fall, Lady Emily Monroe Norton?"

She stuck her nose in the air. "I have plans."

It didn't take Dolly long to break the tense silence. "Oh, come now, Em. I insist. I don't want to be the only girl up there."

Emily only stared at the other boys, frolicking in the Atlantic. She couldn't help releasing a small sigh.

Apparently, Charlie gave up. "Pity Jed couldn't come, isn't it?"

Without thinking, Emily whipped her head around. "Jed isn't here?"

Charlie searched her face, that no-good smirk bringing a blush to her cheeks. Had he guessed? "He's directing a production of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. They're doing a string of performances this weekend. Hadn't you heard?"

She took a deep breath. "No, no I hadn't." Pointedly looking back out to sea, away from Charlie Kane and his searching, knowing gaze, she mentally kicked herself. Had she actually appeared interested in Jedediah Leland? In front of his best friend? And how could she have missed that he had a play going on? She wished she could see it, she wished –

She wished Charlie would stop staring at her.

Thankfully, Dolly came to her rescue, apparently miffed that Charlie's attention was elsewhere. "I'd love a soda. Wouldn't you, Charlie?"

He stood up, blinking, still staring at Emily. He knew, she thought. Of course he knew.

"I'll take you for one. My treat." He helped Dolly up. "Will you be staying here all by yourself, Miss Emily?" It took all her resolve to keep her temper in check. This low-born scoundrel dared take that cheeky tone with her?

"I think I'll go for a swim, thanks."

Dolly, mercifully, did not object. She clearly wanted Charlie on his own. "See you back at the hotel, Em." Dolly fluffed her wavy blonde hair, put on her wrap, and walked away arm-in-arm with that cad, Charlie Kane.

Emily didn't know how to swim. She sat, staring at the sun reflecting on the water. Somewhere across that ocean was Jed Leland. With the time difference, maybe his play had even started. _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. She knew the title, knew of Shakespeare, had read his sonnets and even a play or two. The girls all adored _Romeo and Juliet_. Emily, though, had found it distasteful, stupid even, and hadn't paid much attention to Mr. Shakespeare since. Though, if Jed liked him-

She stopped. Nothing could ever happen between her and Jed Leland; her father would put his foot down if he even heard a ghost of a whisper that she had been seen in public with some English major attending college on – perish the thought – _scholarships_. No, she thought to herself, laying back down on the blanket and closing her eyes. She and Jedediah Leland were never meant to be.

But there he was, beside her in the theater. She didn't know what was going on onstage, only that he was close, so close she could smell him, could reach out and touch him if she wanted. His wavy hair, his intelligent eyes. Oh no, she was staring, she knew it. In a moment he'd look over and catch her. Or not even him. Anyone could see her studying his jaw, his profile, his eyelashes. Anyone in the entire theater might know. She had to look away before things got out of hand, before he found out-

Rats, she thought. Someone was coming to sit in the chair between them. Curious, she looked up to see who it was, then scowled. Charlie Kane, always ruining everything. But to see his seat, he had to have seen her ogling Jed. That was unacceptable. Charlie returned her gaze, not with a scowl, but with a grin. Would he say anything? Jed turned-

A shadow fell over Emily's face. Her eyelids fluttered as she squinted to see its source. Dolly's eyes filled with concern for her friend.

"Do you have heatstroke? Oh no, oh no. Help me get her out of the sun," she called over her shoulder to someone Emily couldn't see. Emily tried to tell Dolly she was alright, but her mouth was dry, so dry. The sun had moved considerably since she'd closed her eyes. Could she really have fallen asleep?

Another shadow. Emily squinted and could just make out Charlie's face. Despite her weak struggle, he picked her up. Dolly gathered their things and trotted beside Charlie, warning him not to jostle her.

"Don't worry," he said, looking Emily straight in the eye, "I've got you."

Comforted more than she wanted to be, Emily let the darkness overtake her.

* * *

Hi everybody! As you've probably guessed by now, this is a Citizen Kane fanfiction. I'm a cinema student, so I've had lots of critical discussions about the film. There's been lots of speculation that Jed is gay and in love with Charlie; I think he stays single and feels betrayed by Kane for different reasons, that his mention of dancing school is significant in a way other than implying homosexuality. So that's this story. Hope you like it!

In case you're interested, there's a companion "story" to this that's more in Jed's head and provides more of his backstory. (If you can't tell, I have a pretty serious crush on Mr. Jed Leland.) That one's called "On Jed's Terms". This may or may not link to it: .net/s/5642125/1/On_Jeds_Terms

This is my first serious fanfic, just so you know, and I would ABSOLUTELY ADORE reviews. If you think I suck, please tell me so I can get better - only, please be nice about it? Please? Thanks. You're awesome (but only if you review. Am I kidding? Hmm...). Also, if you know the movie well, I beg of you, tell me if anything isn't in keeping with the original story. I'm pretty vehemently opposed to AU.

I'm gonna try to update weekly on Saturdays. Story statuses will be available on Twitter - /sebhar - and you should hound me to update on time.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Stateside

Emily was outwardly glum and inwardly relieved. After her father heard that she had passed out in the sun on the beach in France, he had immediately sent word that she was to come home as soon as possible. Her friend Roger – whose uncle was a Rockefeller – had been deemed trustworthy enough to escort her back to the States. While Roger was not her favorite (she preferred Will, who never flirted with her despite the fact that they had been close companions since they were small), Emily had had to restrain herself from being visibly relieved when her father had insisted that Charlie not be her escort. Daddy could be somewhat controlling from time to time, but at least he absolutely loathed Charles Foster Kane.

However, it would not be prudent to appear anything less than distraught over the abrupt termination of her vacation with her friends, especially after Daddy had paid so much for it. For days, Emily sat in her room, pouting to the servants. On occasion, her Daddy paid a visit to her quarters, and she always saw him. At these times, Emily praised her father's prudence in bringing her back to the States, all the while knowing that the servants would pass information regarding her distressed behavior back to him.

She passed two weeks in this manner, gazing wistfully out the window with an open book on her lap, or cross-stitching designs onto linens. Sometimes, she would practice the piano, only to stop mid-Mozart and sigh at her elegantly curved fingers. Dolly and a few of her other friends corresponded with her by mail; Charlie wrote her, too, but she ignored all of his letters. Her father, she knew, kept close tabs on her post, and his disapproval of Charlie provided an excellent excuse not to communicate with the boy. Emily also refused to read what Charlie wrote, certain that to do so would be a most banal waste of time. Yet throwing them away would hardly be proper, so she kept them in their envelopes – each stamped with his personal seal – tucked away at the back of her desk drawer. She couldn't have said why.

One day, while Emily was cross-stitching and looking forlorn on her window seat, a serving woman named Faye knocked softly before entering Emily's room. "You have a visitor, Miss," she said meekly, keeping her eyes lowered respectfully. Emily stood, set her stitching down on the seat, and smoothed her skirts.

"Send them in, Faye," she purred. Dolly and the others had returned from France two days previously; she had been waiting for Dolly to call on her for that entire time period.

It was much to Emily's surprise, then, that it was Jed Leland who crossed her threshold. He held his hat in his hands and appeared extremely nervous. Emily didn't know what he had to be particularly nervous about; the staff, certainly, were not educated enough to realize that his dapper suit was cheaply made, and her father was out for the afternoon.

Emily herself barely managed to hide her own astonishment. By sheer force of will, she prevented herself from blushing, which would have been extraordinarily inappropriate. Faye was still standing at the door, where Emily knew she would stay. Daddy would want to know all about the young man who had come to call.

All this flashed through Emily's mind in a fraction of a second. She gave a little cough to clear her dry throat, then bowed slightly to Jed, who returned the courtesy. "Please do sit down, Mr. Leland," she intoned cordially, indicating a pair of plush wing-backed chairs.

"Thank you, Miss Monroe Norton," Jed replied just as formally. He sat.

"Make yourself comfortable," Emily went on. "Bring Mr. Leland some tea, Faye."

The serving woman had already disappeared from sight before Jed jerked to attention. "Oh, that's not necessary, Miss-"

"Oh please, Mr. Leland," she teased, "haven't we been friends since childhood? Call me Emily." Despite her playful words, Emily forced herself to keep her tone so regally frigid that it must have seemed as though she was bestowing a precious gift upon him. It killed her to keep him at such a distance. She had to keep reminding herself that it was necessary.

However cold she seemed, though, Jed smiled, and Emily felt her heart collect in a puddle at the bottom of her stomach. "Then I beg that you, Emily, call me Jed." Unable to look at him any longer, Emily crossed the room and sat in the vacant chair. This served the dual purpose of making her shaking knees less evident, and giving her brain time to reorder itself after it flipped somersaults over hearing him say her name. Her name, from his lips. Barely suppressing a shudder of delight, Emily forced herself not to hurry to the chair. She had to remain calm.

Faye broke the uneasy silence between them by bringing the tea things and pouring a cup for each of the young adults. Jed stared at the hat in his hands, while Emily stared at everything except Jed. Amid the gentle clatter of Daddy's china, Jed spoke.

"I hope I find you well today, Emily," he stated slowly. With Faye's presence, his voice, too, had dropped below freezing.

She replied in kind, hoping her refusal to look at him would be taken as demure and not rude. "I'm in perfect health, thank you very much, though I did have something of a fainting spell over in France." Emily daintily sipped at the tea Faye had handed to her.

"Ah yes, I heard about that." Jed noticed that Faye was offering him a cup of tea. He fidgeted with his hat for a moment, as though uncertain what to do with it, then set it on his lap and accepted the cup. He took a drink. Emily took the opportunity to watch him, his eyes closed as he drank, his long lashes brushing his cheeks. She barely suppressed a sigh, then hastily glanced away when she realized that Faye was probably looking right at her.

Emily took another prim little sip of tea, debating how to get him talking again. Most people today spoke as if they were in such a hurry. Jed was never afraid to think about what he was saying, and Emily adored that. Finally, her brain latched onto something. "How was your play?"

Jed nearly choked. "Midsummer?" he sputtered.

"Well yes, I suppose that's when it took place. The one you did with the other Yale boys, while I was in France?"

The young man regained his composure. "_A Midsummer Night's Dream_, yes. It went fairly well, thank you."

"You directed it, did you not?" Emily queried before taking another sip.

"I also played Puck," Jed said quietly.

Emily raised her eyebrows, impressed. His modesty had a ring of truth about it, which she liked. "That must have been quite a feat, to direct while also playing a major role."

Jed said nothing, just stared down into his teacup. After a moment, he looked her square in the eye. "How did you find out?"

"About what?" she asked.

"The play."

"Oh. Charlie Kane told me." Knowing Jed and Charlie were inseparable, she did everything in her power to keep the sneer of disdain from her face. She almost succeeded.

Thankfully, Jed did not notice. Instead of a sneer, the mention of Charlie brought a grin to his face. His eyes shone. Emily thanked God she was seated; otherwise, she would have been floored by his good looks. "He would." Jed drank a hearty gulp of tea, which couldn't have been comfortable as it was still rather hot. He seemed not to notice. When he spoke again, his voice was much lower. "Charlie said you'd promised to come with us to the Alps, later in the year."

Emily smiled wryly. "I promised no such thing." He always came up. Always. With the girls, with the boys. She was sick to death of hearing about Charlie Kane.

"Ah." Jed stood uncomfortably, set his teacup on the tray Faye had brought, and picked up his hat, which had fallen to the floor. "I should leave you to your stitching, Miss- Emily."

As he turned to leave, she couldn't help herself. Let her father and Faye be damned. "Jed!" she called. He stopped, then spun slowly.

"Yes?"

She strode toward him, and took his arm. What was she doing? She had to run, to get away from him, to end this stupid situation. But the smell of him- "Would you like me to come to Switzerland with you?" Hopefully he would think she meant the whole group. Of course, he knew what she really meant; he was far from stupid.

He turned to face her, pulling her hand gently from his arm as he did so. "Your company would certainly heighten the experience, no pun intended." There was another of his gorgeous half-smiles.

To cover herself, Emily made her voice icy once more. "Tell Charlie I'll come," she said haughtily. Maybe invoking Charlie would atone for her touch.

If she hadn't been searching his face, she would never have seen it: that split second where his face contorted like that of a whipped dog. The smile was back in place so quickly that had she blinked, she would have missed the flicker of pain. But she saw. Oh, yes, she saw. "Of course I'll tell him." He bowed coolly to her, and she gave a shallow curtsey in return.

"Faye will show you out."

"Good day, Emily."

"Good day, Jedediah." They parted ways without another word. When he was down the stairs, accompanied by Faye, Emily rushed to the banister, watching him from the shadows. Had she revealed too much? Said or done something wrong, something that might tip him off? She hoped her distance, and her mention of Charlie, had covered up her true feelings. Because he could not know.

He must never know.

* * *

I've been thinking about length. I don't know how many chapters this will end up being, but I'm aiming for each one to be at least 1000 words. Sound good to you? Let me know if you want longer (or shorter, but... that'd be kind of difficult to write) updates.

Curious what Jed was doing visiting Emily out of the blue? Read on to see!

Oh, and if you're inclined to review....... that would be kickin' sweet. :]


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